Burn, Moscow Tinder, Burn

Actually, Moscow is not the worst city for love.Muscovite 1
Actually, it’s the worst. Muscovite 2

It seems that in a makeweight to the cloudy weather and Sobyanin’s stone tile, Muscovites recently gained another unifying factor (please, don’t confuse it with spiritual ties), and it is – god bless it – Tinder. Most of my friends and colleagues in Moscow, who are not burdened by family circumstances yet (although sometimes, they too), use Tinder to somehow soften their harsh everyday life in the city.

In some way, Tinder is almost the staple of a modern Moskvaer. So, we decided to share all the fun and futility of the subject from time to time.

Before I start predictably wailing about the apparent extinction of men, I have to share a few important statistical facts that will help you to understand, and come to terms with, the specifics of Moscow Tinder.


The average Russian is a middle-aged woman. There are about 10 million more women in Russia than men, and in the age range of 20-55 there are about 1.5 million more women than men.

– Statistics show that in 2014, between men and women in the age range of 20-55 there are 2.4 times more highly educated (university degree) women than men. 20.3 million and 8.5 million, respectively.

— According to statistics from 2014, in 36.4% of all marriages in Russia, the bride’s age ranged from 18 to 24 years old.

Well, now we’re ready.

The first revelation that occurred to me due to Tinder, wouldn’t even be a revelation for many of you. Let’s call it an important remark to the popular belief that “real men are extinct.” So, guys, I have to disappoint you: in this city all men in general – not just real men, but real and fake, big and small, rich and poor, and every other type of man – are extinct. However, here’s the good news! Instead of them, we have many new girls (an inexhaustible resource in Mother Russia). Some of them are mostly real, some – mostly collagen, but still there are many.

So if you’re a girl on Tinder, you should just know that you are one of hundreds of girls to each of your matches. If you are a man – well, congratulations. I hope you can run fast.

Of course, from childhood all of us are accustomed to the unfortunate fact that there are ten girls for every nine boys. Tinder revealed a completely different order of correlation to me, where there are ten girls for every 0.1 boys. Even this is an optimistic calculation!

2To begin with, I wondered why men do not take things any further after the match. I found the answer when I saw the Tinder field on my friend’s phone, let’s call him X. Among dozens, no, even hundreds of his matches there were only a few profiles that he finally opened to say “hello.”

There are too many attractive young women in Moscow – to a guy it would probably takea couple of weeks to make simple contact (how’re u doin’?) with each of his matches on Tinder, but in Moscow, as you know, every minute counts.

At the same time, my male friends who use Tinder, have faced the problem of running out of likes. That is significant. Clearly, this suggests that they – fortunately – do have someone to like.

When I asked one of my often-traveling fellows, what, in his view, is the main difference between the Moscow Tinder-field from the app-fields of other cities, he said: “The main thing is it’s populated. But generally girls are so damn determined to find a life partner here!”

This explains the low conversion from online matches to real meetings. The aforementioned X gathered more than 250 matches within two months of app usage. He only met up with five people giving a conversion of 2%. This is a very life-affirming figure, because X was on a hyperactive search at that time. Most of my other male friends get less than 1% conversion from virtual approvals to real meetings.

N, another friend of mine, has enjoyed Tinder for about 8 months already and has about 1,000 matches. During this time, he has met about ten girls. Another friend of mine who has only used Tinder for month now has about 100 matches. During this time, he only asked out one girl on a date.

Depressing statistics do not bother men themselves: they swipe right and remain pointedly silent. Moreover, men have even invented a trick that allows you to reset the number of likes after breaking the limit. It turns out that he only needs to download an application to change the date on his phone for tomorrow and – voila! – he’s back in the game.

3I have to admit that as a female Tinder user I also face the problem of breaking the limit. Not the likes limit though, but men directly. Simply put, for about 1.5-2 minutes, I have time to scroll through and skip (that might be a topic on the following Friday) all offered men and then Tinder would say: “There’s no one new around you”.

“That’s cool! – I think. – A sense of accomplishment (Mom still hopes after all…) in just two minutes! Success!”

To be fair, girls can also have a cause célèbre, just very rarely. When it happens, Tinder suddenly becomes filled with men that compare favorably to the usual “range.”

The last time – in early September – Tinder was all at once flooded with handsome Nordic guys thanks to football, no less. It was a game for the qualifying round of the European Championship between Russia and Sweden played in Moscow.

Russia won with a modest score of 1:0. Surprisingly, the Swedish Vikings on Tinder were strongly despondent after their loss. And when they left Moscow for their gracious homeland the next day it was our turn to despair.


To be continued…

About Yana141 Articles
Journalist by education, barstool philosopher by heart. Moskvaer. Rebel. Frustrated hedonist.

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