She approached me in a swanky Miami beach gym as I took a swig of my protein shake.
“Are you Russian?”
It was the first question asked of me by the first Russian girl I had ever met. I spilled some of the shake over my cheek and had to wipe it off.
I am a Chicago-born son of a Puerto Rican family so I was surprised by the guess. Never had anyone been so off-target guessing my ethnicity.
My mind raced…
The only thing I knew of Russian men was through American movies. You know the kind: power-hungry terrorist/mafiosos who seek to destroy every last vestige of a free society. Is this the image I project? Am I a bad dude?
“No. I am actually Puerto Rican, why did you guess Russian?”–I responded.
“I don’t know, you just look it.” she said.
We went back and forth a little more on appearances.
“My name is Irina, I am new to the city.”
I learned she had arrived to study at a hospitality school. She was an attractive girl. I usually had to fight for the attention of these types of girls but this one actually seemed interested in my story. Oddly, everything about me was as novel and interesting to her as she was to me.
I mustered up enough confidence to ask her out before we parted ways.
“Maybe we can hang out this week, I can show you some of the city.” I said.
“Sure! Here’s my number…” she said while her eyes lit up, almost as if she was waiting in anticipation for me to make a move.
That was easy for Miami… no games. No having to prove that I have money or know famous people. We agreed on a time and day after some cordial texting.
I didn’t know that encounter would start my education on man-to-woman relationships.
The rest of the story doesn’t go so smoothly. It’s all downhill from here.
I commit every known sin when dating a Russian girl:
1. I didn’t meet her at my car door to let her in.
This is fine you are just friends. But try this with a girl that expects you to earn her affection and it will get you in trouble. I already dug myself a hole. Just chalk it up to cultural differences.
2. I didn’t have a plan.
I made the mistake of asking her what she wanted to do. Never do this. You must have a plan, and you must lead the date. If a Russian woman has a request, she won’t wait for you to ask.
“I don’t know, whatever you want to do! :)”
Of course I scramble and choose the worst date idea possible: dinner and a movie. Eating and watching a film in silence for 2 hours does not lead to sexy time. It leads to bloatedness and sleepiness.
3. I assumed what her values were.
Instead of discovering a woman through conversation and rapport, I defaulted to every known stereotype of Russian women and indeed women in general. The stereotype that all women care about is money and status. These things certainly play a role. But even stronger attractors are humor and showing sexual intent, through flirtation and touch. So I spent money taking her to nice restaurants and going to basketball games rather than unravelling her story and making her feel desired as a woman.
4. I never made a move.
Russian women like to be touched. Give, and you shall receive. Don’t give, and you will lose value in her eyes. You will seem unconfident. And she will take it as an insult. You should be dying to ravish her. She should have to fight you away.
5. I wasn’t fun.
You have to be fun. You can’t be all business. You can’t take yourself too seriously. These are bad habits I picked up from other stiffs I grew up with in the Midwest of the the United States. Don’t talk about your job if it’s not fun and interesting. In the words of Tyler Durden from Fight Club: “You are not your job”.
Irina eventually got sick of my passiveness and told me off as I dropped her off at home one day after a tennis tournament. She was mad, and it wasn’t because all 4 Russians lost in the finals of the Women’s singles tournament.
“Don’t call me ‘chica’. I don’t like this name.”–she snapped before she got out of the car.
She was letting it be known that she was not satisfied, for whatever reason.
It surprised me, because I thought I was being a nice guy during all our time together.
“Alright, I guess I will see you next week?” I said after I supplicated for a bit.
“We will see…” she said as she got out of the car.
It took a lot of thought and introspection for me to begin figuring out what I was doing wrong. This girl liked me less and less the more I hung out with her. Suffice it to say, the story of me and Irina went nowhere. The story of me and Miami also went nowhere. I was 25 and decided it was time to make a change. I got sick of Miami and decided to move to New York City. New friends, new job, new everything. And new girls…
In New York I earned a bachelor’s degree in dating Russian Women
New York City has an abundance of Russian immigrants and tourists. There is a generation of young American-born Russians as well as FOBs (fresh-off-the-boats) who are eager for new opportunities. They are intelligent and competitive as hell.
I was fortunate enough to make friends with Russians, which offered me an opportunity to learn a new culture. I was also able to meet many Russian girls. I seemed to have fit in with the Russian crowd better than with the Hispanics.
I continued to make similar mistakes dating Russian girls but I made adjustments each time.
With Liza I learned to be assertive and confident.
With Zenya I learned to be calm and reserved.
With Irina #2 I learned to be sexually dominant.
With Zoya I learned I need to be strong and protective.
With Yanna I learned to be sincere and attentive.
With Liliana I learned to be loyal and stable.
Above all I learned what I wanted from a partner. I didn’t learn these things with American women.
Sex with a Russian vs American/British woman
Sex with American/British women for me was like being a car taken for a test drive. I always felt like it was just a fleeting moment of masturbatory pleasure. No emotional connection, no eye contact, no expectation of commitment. Just two thrusting individuals staring at the wall imagining they were with someone more glamorous. Maybe next week?
My point is, American women live in a constant state of boredom and dissatisfaction. Even during what is supposed to be an epic consummation of love and desire for another person.
Russian women always had a thankful demeanor during and after sex. We know that something special happened. We are not just placeholders.
But there is a dark side to everything
These days I know what I want, which is great. But this also means I am shut off to many dating opportunities. I just don’t make an earnest effort to date non-European or non-Russian women anymore.
Another thing I learned is that as much as Russian women can change a man, my country can change women. For the worse.
The men must adapt or be swallowed alive. When Russian women come to the US they learn how much power they wield over men. Because they have something that every man desires most: the ability to make them feel like a man. I have dated one Russian girl in particular who told me “American guys are such pussies.” And she was right. I know because I used to be one.
In the Hagakure: Book of the Samurai–there was story about a man who once described women in medieval Japan, the manliest of all time-periods.
The man said, “I know the shapes of Reason and of Woman.” When asked about this, he replied, “Reason is four-cornered [like a box] and will not move even in an extreme situation. Woman is round [like a sphere]. One can say that she does not distinguish between good and evil or right and wrong and tumbles into any place at all.”
This taught me that:
To be a man one must be shaped like a box, so as to catch a sphere that tumbles your way.
When both man and woman are shaped like a sphere. Chaos ensues.
When both man and woman are shaped like a box. Nothing happens.