Every time I arrive at Moscow’s airport, I catch myself thinking the same thing: it’s such a paradox that we live in a huge, amazing, diverse city–and yet we still spend most of the time (and that’s not even an exaggeration) thinking, How do I get out of here?
Beginning in early September, we check ticket prices to Thailand, and in case of an situation we’re even willing to escape to St. Pete…
At the same time – I don’t know if you can relate, but I personally already begin to miss Moscow during the second week of my vacations. I can say further: when preparing to board at the airport (no matter where I’m flying to – it could be even the most magical place in the world), I feel sad for a moment. Sad to leave the place that I desire to leave most of the time. True Russian contradiction! And surely a deserved compliment to Moscow.
Somehow that paradoxical thirst reminds me of a childhood situation, when I just hated missing school–being ill or whatever.
Against my doctor’s edification and my mom’s warnings, despite illness and snot hanging down to my knees, I still went to my lessons. But it wasn’t the learning aspect that attracted me that much, but instead inexplicable fear and envy that something grandiose could happen there without me. And I wouldn’t become a participant, or even a witness.
So that aching feeling when I’m leaving Moscow even for a little while, to my regard, has the same nature…
That is a desire or habit to be at the epicenter of stuff, and the fear of being dropped out from the global context (which, fits my introversion amazingly well, by the way), and a slight envy towards the ones who are gonna stay (as I wrote before, relationships with the city can easily be compared with a love affair, so here’s further proof).
Of course, you almost immediately recover from this minute opacification, and then, during the flight you find yourself thinking: “Omg, what grandiose event could happen in just two days?… could the universal interplanetary delegation arrive in Moscow to gather a group of volunteers from Russia to commit an intergalactic travel?
…or the could the opening of an incredibly infernal exhibition with spirits of dead artists, which will be called with the best traditions of black magic occur?
….Or – more likely – friends could organize a cool party, which, however, I would probably not visit… Oh, wait. I don’t have any friends. Alright, that’s better… my only City will wait for me. ”